It is unlikely that armadillos ascribe to any mystic beliefs, but they definitely bring out the devil in those of us whose yards are decimated by their reptilian claws. Having shot fifteen of the ugly excuses for lawn ornaments, I immediately bonded with Oklahoma State University football coach Eric Morris who endured what he described as armadillos, “…[C]rushing my yard, my flower beds, digging everything up”. His solution was the same one I applied after trying live traps, bait, wolf urine and asking Peg to sit on our veranda with a metal bucket and a large spoon to scare them away. It was sort of like President Trump’s approach to foreign affairs. Cursing, threats and self-destructive actions were all useless. The only answer was extermination. We have paid through our collective noses for Trump’s babbling ineptitude with Iran. Both Coach Morris and I took a more direct approach after the armadillos refused our terms of negotiation.
In my case, I found reason with the armored obstinate menaces was a waste of time. A few well targeted 20-gauge shots did more than all my vociferous complaints ever did. Coach Morris obviously had tried to live and let live until his yard became a war zone of claw marked messes. If Coach Morris’ wife is anything like Peg, Morris probably tired of the constant refrain of, “When are you going to keep those things out of my plants?” It is sort of like Israel demanding that Trump bomb Iran back to the Stone Age for having the temerity to live on Iran’s own land. After all Coach, the armadillos were there before you moved in.
Now, do not get me wrong, I know the pesky armadillos on our property likely came with the end of the last Ice Age. I do not care! Peg wants them gone and, apparently, so did Mrs. Morris. Neither Coach Morris nor I was going to let a little thing like “First in time, first in right” stop us from settling on armadillo habitat.
Regardless, as a former freshman at Oklahoma State University and a current suffering football fan, if eliminating a couple of ground grubbing scavengers causes the Coach to be able to better concentrate on a game plan to beat anybody, I am behind you all the way, Coach. And I will even bring my shotgun to Stillwater if it helps us beat Oregon on September 12!
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