James M. Redwine

Massachusetts

I’m OK; You’re Ok; Stay Away!

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When I was a child nobody hugged or kissed anybody unless they were sweethearts or perhaps, occasionally, mother and child. People felt no need to get closer than arms length and nobody breathed on anybody. Then along came bleeding heart liberals and day-time TV shows and voila! Hugging was de rigueur. Suddenly perfect strangers were greeting one another as if they were Romeo and Juliet. I say it’s time to return to those not so thrilling days of yesteryear. It is not like people did not love one another before the 1980’s. After all, the human specie has thrived for thousands of years without faux hugs and kisses and families used to have lots more kids. But no one thought less of you back then if you did not invade their space. Maybe social distancing is a recommendation we can live with. Thank you Tony Fauci!

Peg and I would appreciate it if the rest of the world, except for family and delivery drivers, would stay away for the next few months. Maybe by then we will have a vaccine for COVID-19. One caveat, it is important that computers continue to create funny money pursuant to an on-going Congressional Resolution so that we can receive our Social Security checks. In return, Peg and I will pledge to leave everyone else alone and not attend any public events. No one would be there anyway since the rest of the world will be in their basements watching such enlightening Netflix entertainments as Tiger King.

By the way, I just saw a report on cable news that they may make a movie about Joe Exotic and his big cat petting zoo and crazy conspiracy theories. As announced from prison, Joe wants Brad Pitt to play Joe in the movie. I bet Brad is proud. Actually Peg and I had never heard of the Tiger King until our erstwhile neighbors, Chuck and Bonnie Minnette of New Harmony, Indiana, called to ask us about it. I guess since we recently moved to Oklahoma and there’s hardly anyone out here, the neighbors thought we might know Joe; we do not!

Regardless, back to the column at hand. Other than cable TV, with the COVID-19 panic about the only social activity left to any of us is contemplation of conspiracy theories such as those of Joe Exotic. I know we Americans have always been able to find boogeymen, et al, everywhere from Salem, Massachusetts to Roswell, New Mexico. But our current situation of a total national shutdown has caused a paradigm shift in our public psyche.

If the news reports can be credited, some in the Communist Chinese government posited, and maybe actually believed, that the original outbreak of COVID-19 in Wuhan, China in December 2019 was deliberately started by American soldiers. Then some in America floated the idea the pandemic may have been a deliberate creation of the virus as a weapon by China or Iran.

Those two conspiracy theories are about as credible as the reasons given by railroad engineer Eduardo Moreno who, once again according to news media reports, on April 2, 2020 attempted to ram a ship by driving his train’s engine off the tracks to within a few hundred yards of the U.S. naval ship Mercy. The Mercy is a military hospital ship sent by our government to aid the residents of Los Angeles during the COVID-19 crisis. Moreno told the police he believed the ship was part of a government conspiracy to takeover America. I had no idea a train could even travel that far off its tracks. Anyway, I think Mr. Moreno has been watching too much cable TV news.

Then there are the gun rights advocates who see a business lockdown as a government attempt to take away our right to self-defense. Also, there are those Religious Right devotees who see a nefarious plot behind the urgent government push to find an inoculation for the Corona virus. Apparently their fear is that such ideas as espoused by Bill Gates to implant computer chips in people for health reasons is really a cover to allow universal monitoring and control of our lives.

Well, Gentle Reader, you may know of other conspiracy theories. Heck, you may have one or two of your own. I know I sure do. However, as for Peg and me and social distancing, as long as our Social Security checks and the delivery workers keep coming, we are okay with whatever theory floats your boat. That is as long as you keep six feet away and wear a mask. Don’t worry; we promise to neither hug nor kiss you.

The Armadillos Cometh

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Last week Peg and I drove down I-44 from the eastern edge of Missouri to the eastern edge of Oklahoma. We observed the remains of a few deer, several opossums, one or two raccoons and over one hundred dead armadillos on the roadside. The normal final position of an armadillo was on its scaled back with its clawed paws stuck straight up. Occasionally a beer can would be nestled among the claws. Frequently the carcasses were totally flat. This phenomenon occurred so often it became obvious people went out of their way to squash the critters. Such a violent reaction to the mere existence of the armadillos becomes understandable if one should have to deal with the creatures on a daily basis.

Gentle Reader, you probably grew up as I did encountering an armadillo only when you wandered through northern Mexico or, perhaps, southern Arizona, New Mexico, Texas or California. I recall being amused by the resemblance to something akin to a roly-poly dinosaur. And the sightings were so rare I was excited to come across one of the adorable little oddities of nature.

It was not until the beginning of the 21st century that I began to notice the evermore prevalent incursions of armadillos as they have migrated north, east and west. Peg, who was born in New York and reared in Indiana by way of Massachusetts, used to be amazed at the “little armored ones” as named by Spanish speaking peoples in South America. In fact, as we arrived last week to our cabin in North-East Oklahoma we almost ran over an armadillo waddling along the lane to our door.

“Oh, Jim, look, we have our very own armadillo!” I kept my thoughts to myself but they involved a shotgun.

The day after we arrived Peg was all excited to go to Lowe’s and purchase about $300.00 worth of plants such as herbs, vegetables and flowers. She worked all of one day planting, watering and protecting them from rabbits and deer with special fencing. Actually, Peg instructed me in this regard. Regardless, when we checked on the plants the next day every one had been clawed up by a “cute” armadillo looking for grubs, ants and worms.

Peg’s response was about like one might expect when asking Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi how much she planned to contribute to President Donald Trump’s 2020 re-election campaign. As this article will appear in several family-oriented newspapers I shall not quote Peg’s actual words other than the part where she asked, “Where’s your shotgun?”

The Physical Plant

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Tuesday, April 03, 2018 Chief Probation Officer and court factotum Rodney Fetcher and I met with the Posey County Board of Commissioners to discuss the auxiliary courtroom on the first floor of the courthouse. You may recall we have been working toward creating a small but fully functioning courtroom that can greatly enhance public access to court services while aiding the Posey Superior and Circuit Courts to concentrate on other important matters of concern.

The elements of an American courtroom have changed little since the 1600’s: a judge’s bench and judge, places for the opposing parties (usually two), a court reporter with means to keep a record, a witness area and some public seating.

If citizens from Salem, Massachusetts were to hold a witch trial in a contemporary courtroom it would require only a few minutes for them to acclimate to the electricity and technology because these are simply ways we now enhance the attempted delivery of justice; the same justice sought for hundreds of years. Of course, justice is not always the result, but the physical plant is not to blame.

In Posey County, Indiana we have two fully functioning courts of general jurisdiction that often need to have people appear who are incarcerated or may be expert witnesses who have to travel great distances. Our goal of a newly refurbished courtroom would have video conferencing availability connected with our new jail and perhaps unlimited other locations. There would no longer be a need for several sheriff’s deputies to transport inmates to court for most preliminary matters. Trials would still be in person but most other hearings would not. Money and time would be saved while security would be enhanced and public humiliation lessened.

Indiana law allows for Senior Judges, Special Judges and Magistrates to hold hearings while the regular judges are conducting other proceedings. However, in Posey County we need another court facility for such use. Normally a new or renovated courthouse would be quite expensive. But we in Posey County have the opportunity to enhance justice, public service, security and fiscal responsibility by creating one new court reporter position and using some of our historical courthouse furnishings in an existing room in our historical courthouse. And we can have such a courtroom in operation quickly.

The immediate plan is to set up the courtroom for hearings and video conferencing. I estimate we can establish such a courtroom at a cost of less than $50,000 for the courtroom furnishings now plus the salary of one court reporter (approximately $40,000 per year plus regular county benefits to start January 1, 2019). Of course, such decisions are within the purview of the Commissioners and County Council with consultation with the judges.

An intermediate goal is to have Senior Judges, who are paid by the State, Posey County currently uses two on a case-by-case basis, or Special Judges selected for particular matters, conduct hearings in the small courtroom while both regular courtrooms are in session with the regular judges. Initial hearings in criminal matters and confidential family court cases normally do not involve many people. Such matters are well suited to our new small courtroom.

Long term goals might involve the creation of a full-time or part-time Magistrate to have a regular schedule in the new courtroom. On such issues I will defer to the sound judgment of future county officials unless I am requested to engage on this issue. For now, I respectfully suggest it is in Posey County’s best interest to implement the immediate and intermediate plans.

Who Needs Directions?

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Christopher Columbus commanded three ships: the Niña with 20 men, the Pinta with 26 men, and the Santa Maria with 41 men. There were no women. Chris landed in1492 in what we now call the Bahamas. He thought he had reached his goal of the Indies.

That group of Pilgrims who landed in what they hoped was northern Virginia was composed of 102 passengers. While there were women on board only 41 adult males signed the Mayflower Compact in November 1620. The Mayflower Compact set forth their original destination: “[A] voyage to plant the first colony in the northern parts of Virginia”.

Half the passengers of the Mayflower died during the harsh northern winter of 1620-21. The main men in charge were William Bradford, Myles Standish, Edward Winslow, John Carver, William Winslow and John Alden. No women had any say in navigation from England to America.

Had the Mayflower landed in Virginia instead of Massachusetts it is unlikely so many passengers would have expired due to the weather and lack of food. A slight turn to the left while still out to sea could have resulted in a landing in a more temperate and hospitable clime. On the other hand, as the Jamestown settlors of Roanoke, Virginia experienced, the locals in Virginia were less hospitable than those who saved the Puritans of Plymouth, Massachusetts, some twenty years later.

Of course, the Wampanoag Native Americans who saved the lives of the Plymouth Bay colonists may have eventually experienced the realization of the adage, “No good deed goes unpunished”. They were, at least, invited to the first Thanksgiving celebration in 1621.

The Mayflower compact set the proper tone of America’s democratic ideals. It was a solemn commitment to, “… combine ourselves together in a civil body politic” and to, “ … adhere to future laws as are just and equal … for the general good of the Colony”.

President George Washington signed a Thanksgiving Proclamation in 1789 recommending a commemoration on the first Thursday of each November. President Abraham Lincoln, during the midst of the Civil War, 1863, set a national day of Thanksgiving for the fourth Thursday in November and Congress in 1941 established a national day of Thanksgiving as a federally recognized holiday.

The events that have transpired since 1492 and 1620 due to two incidents of missed directions give those of us of the male persuasion great credence when those on the distaff side claim we do not know where we are going. It is not so much that we may be lost, it is that we have great confidence we will eventually arrive at a better place.

Parallel Universes

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Peg’s mom gave us her small Florida condo when she decided to move back to Indiana. It is part of a retirement complex where owners must be over 55 years of age; we qualify. For about 20 years we have spent part of the Christmas holidays at the condo. I remember our first trips there. We drove down non-stop (19 hours) and came back the same way. It now takes us at least 2 extra days. Those first few years we filled each day with trips to the beach, sightseeing, miles of walking on golf courses and many hours of swimming. We frequented sports bars where we watched college football games late into the night while noshing on burgers and fries washed down with draft beer.

We met other snowbirds from New York, Massachusetts, Canada and the mid-west who enjoyed getting away from the condo complex and engaging in dancing, dining and conversations about sports, politics and contemporary music. Those folks have remained friends for years.

During this same period Peg and I have attended my high school reunions which are held every 5 years in Oklahoma. Twenty years ago there was a live band playing Beatles songs. This past weekend there was one guy doing an Elvis impersonation. He was quite convincing. Whereas twenty years ago and several times in between everyone danced and shouted out the lyrics, this year people sat and listened politely while occasionally tapping their toes.

Over the years the reunions have included alumni football games, trips to local ranches for beer and barbeque and an occasional reprise of high school rivalries between contesting classmates. This year we met for a buffet of soft food and iced tea accompanied by a few announcements about the classmates who either could no longer be with us or who have retired to Florida.

Peg and I are looking forward to seeing some of those friends and our other Florida acquaintances this Christmas. We plan to sit around the pool and talk about the weather as we enjoy some lemonade. It will be exhilarating!