On Monday morning, February 19, 2024 as Kansas City Chiefs football coach Andy Reid was savoring his team’s Super Bowl victory along with his third breakfast pastry, team Executive Officer Clark Hunt hurried into Reid’s office and presented him with a legal notice from one Trump-appointed Federal District Judge in San Francisco, the sole Republican in California. Coach Reid read the following Petition as his blood pressure soared:
“All persons affiliated in any way with the National Football League team the Kansas City Chiefs are ordered to immediately Cease and Desist claiming victory in Super Bowl LVIII pending a Score Recalculation Petition filed by the San Francisco 49ers in this Court by its CEO Jed York.
The Petition alleges there was and is an on-going conspiracy involving certain persons connected with members of the Chiefs organization, the game officials and the replay technicians, to make it falsely appear that an extra point try by 49er kicker Jake Moody was blocked by Leo Chenal of the Chiefs. This AI-created illusion resulted in the 49ers’ regulation time score being a 3-point lead instead of 4. The one-point differential allowed the Chiefs to tie the game with a field goal and send it to overtime where the Chiefs prevailed with a touchdown.
The cabal’s illusion was created with Russia’s new space satellite that was ostensibly launched to monitor American satellites. However, thanks to U.S. Congressman Mike Turner who chairs the House Intelligence Committee, it was publicly disclosed that Russia had conspired with megastar Taylor Swift and Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce to steal the Super Bowl for the Chiefs so that Swift could use the largest TV audience since the moon landing to endorse Joe Biden for President.
This conspiracy was exposed by Presidential Candidate Donald Trump who had received a telephone call from Tucker Carlson after he met with Russia’s Vladimir Putin the week before the Super Bowl and was told by Putin of the plan. Trump had attempted to warn the world of the nefarious plot, but as he had cried wolf about the stolen election of 2020 so often his statements were discounted by every media outlet except FOX News.
Regardless, to ensure the Constitutional right of every American to worship freely at the shrine of NFL football, until Congress can fully investigate the possibility of a clear and present danger to America, this Court orders the Chiefs, what the heck, I’ll just make my Order apply to everyone everywhere, to Cease and Desist from claiming the Kansas City Chiefs won Super Bowl LVIII. Any violation of this Order may incur the wrath of this Court and a finding of Contempt.
Surely, Elon Musk and his Artificial Intelligence compatriots can have an answer to this vital issue before the next Super Bowl. In the meantime, this Court will closely monitor this case until after November, 2024.”