James M. Redwine

Family

Suffer The Little Children

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In the JPeg Osage Ranch Bunkhouse. Photo by Peg Redwine

Some of you know and remember I recently was sent via the National Judicial College to work with judges in the country of Georgia that is located where the border of the Old Spice Trail used to be. Peg and I had an interesting and fulfilling time there and whether we taught the Georgian people anything worthwhile, we learned a great deal. One very happy and useful thing we learned was Georgians celebrate two Christmases.

Because about half of the country dates the birth of Jesus using the Julian calendar, December 25th is Christmas for them. The other half recognizes the Gregorian calendar for the Nativity so they celebrate Christmas on January 07. The calendar established by Julius Caesar was gradually abandoned in most countries in favor of the calendar adopted by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582. Many, but not most, Christian churches still use the Julian date of December 25 for Christmas. Regardless, whatever one finds in the heavens (wise men indeed), it results in what every child dreams of, two Christmas mornings. As for me, as a family court judge and one-time family law attorney, I see two Christmases as a potential blessing. I suggest parents who cannot seem to put their children’s interests ahead of their own might be able to use both Christmas days.

Each of the various Christian sects may define Christmas and how it is celebrated a little differently.  But hope, love, joy and generosity are a part of every church’s Christmas doctrine. And because Christmas is rooted in the story of Jesus’ birth, children have always been the main focus for most people.  We might decry the commercialism of Christmas, but we recognize this is supposed to be the most special time for every child of every family. However, one thing that is more certain than the arrival of credit card bills in January is the special acrimony that raises its ugly head in court in the weeks leading up to Christmas; Advent, where is thy joy?

There is something about the season that should bring out the best in loving parents that can sometimes bring out the worst.  One sad statistic that Domestic Relations Courts can foretell with unerring accuracy is a sharp rise in divorced parents fighting over where and how their children will spend the Christmas holidays. One parent may want the children to spend every second of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with that parent and that parent’s family.  Another parent may want to control whether some new significant other can even be in the same house with the children.  Perhaps a parent will want to remove the children from the state for the entire holiday.  Parents may try to control every aspect of the other parent’s lifestyle when the children are with the ex-spouse.  Believe me, we have not skimmed the curdled milk off the top of the many permutations of how parents set out to ruin their children’s Christmas.

Of course, in most situations, if both parents simply applied their Christian principles to the sharing of their children, these destructive behaviors would disappear.  Unfortunately, there are some truly bad parents from whom children must be protected.  Fortunately, they are extremely rare.  For most situations, children are happier, healthier and more successful when both of their parents and both extended families are there to give love and support.

The Dutch philosopher, Benedict de Spinoza (1632-1677), posited that each human does, and should, strive to advance their own interests.  When the interests of two people collide, both people will achieve more of their desires if they compromise.  Spinoza believed that this pattern of competing self-interests is the basis of civilization. Instead of denying our own desires, we should recognize that we are more likely to achieve what we want if we assert our desires while accommodating others.

In Sunday School or when our parents were explaining why we could not have everything our own way, this was called The Golden Rule.  If you want justice, you should do justice.  If you want all of the toys, you must realize so do your siblings.  More importantly, you should learn that if you and your siblings fight over who should get one hundred percent of a toy, the toy may be destroyed by your fighting.

According to Spinoza and virtually every rational human since we began forming groups of humans, this is how societies are built and prosper.  Of course, societies and families collapse when people do not compromise and refuse to acknowledge the desires and needs of others. In other words, self-interest is not a bad thing.  It helps motivate us to advance as individuals and groups as long as we accommodate the self-interests of others.

So when parents of minor children no longer live together, it can make their children miserable, especially during Christmas, if one or both of their parents or members of the extended families demand to control one hundred percent of the children’s lives. Most states have addressed these issues by promulgating Parenting Time Guidelines.  These guidelines can be helpful as an ultimate fallback position, but the children can still be torn, confused, frustrated and angry.  The best guideline remains The Golden Rule.  If the parents would put themselves in the place of their children or the other parent or the other parent’s family, the one size fits all guidelines would not come into play.

As a family court judge who has from time to time seen the destructiveness caused by pride, jealousy, hurt feelings and stubbornness in domestic relations cases, I respectfully suggest that both parents are always happier if their children are happy. And my experience has been that children have a much happier Christmas if the people they love most, their parents, put the children’s interests first. Perhaps if we just all start using the Georgian Christmas dates both parents could be happy. On the other hand, maybe then they would just have another time to fight about.

There is no need to cut the children in half.  Recognition that one’s own self-interest will be advanced by accommodating the self-interest of others is all that is required. And, perhaps a quick reference to Matthew, Ch 18., vs. 1-5 might be of help before any discussion is held as to how the Christmas holidays should be arranged concerning the children. Merry Christmas!

Independence Day Jeopardy

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Photo by Peg Redwine.

John Adams, our second president, and Thomas Jefferson, our third president, were great friends who became estranged for years but reconciled before they both died on July 4, 1826. Each was an attorney who championed individual liberty and civil rights. Adams believed the date of America’s birth was July 2, 1776, the date the Continental Congress voted for independence. Jefferson thought our birthday was July 4, 1776, the date the Declaration of Independence was signed. Both Founding Fathers declared we should celebrate our founding with special activities.

Jefferson was the first president to host a July 4 commemoration at the White House. Jefferson wrote about Independence Day, “For ourselves, let the annual return of this day forever refresh our recollections of these rights, and an undiminished devotion to them.”

Adams sent a letter to his wife Abigail on July 3, 1776 in which he declaimed:

“I am apt to believe that it (July 2, 1776) will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival.

…

It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews (shows), Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illumination from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.”

My family, and most likely yours too Gentle Reader, have carried out these patriotic demands for as long as we have been fortunate enough to do so. For more than the past twenty years my family has gathered around July 4 and reveled in the wonder of the United States of America by engaging in a hotly contested Independence Jeopardy game.

Photo by Peg Redwine

This year our son Jim portrayed Benjamin Franklin, my nephews Dennis and David Redwine, donned the colonial frocks of Uncle Sam and George Washington and teams of relatives vied to earn the Independence Day Jeopardy championship. The competition was fierce and only barbeque and copious desserts could assuage those who came in out of first.

It is always good to get our large and close-knit family together, especially over a hotly contested game of colonial history. It is of special meaning in our current atmosphere of political upheaval to remind ourselves what truly matters. So, happy birthday to all of us whether you agree with Adams or Jefferson or choose some other special time around our founding in the first week of July, 1776.

We Weren’t Heavy

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C.E. “Sonny” Redwine

My grandfather Redwine was born in 1848 in Walls, Georgia. After the Civil War he traveled to Indian Country, married and had five children. After his first wife died young, he married my grandmother who was a widow with six children. Together they had seven more children, of which my father was next to the youngest. My grandfather was a Baptist minister who may have known the Bible but unfortunately was careless in his choice of pulpits. He was preaching to a camp meeting while standing on a buckboard hitched to a skittish horse that got spooked by grandpa’s vociferous sermon. The horse bolted, grandpa lost his balance, fell off, hit his head and died. He was buried on the spot by grandmother and the congregation. My father was eleven years old and in the third grade when he and his numerous siblings were forced to raise themselves and one another while grandmother held the family together.

My father left school at age eleven and went to work in the high-sulfur unregulated coal mines of what by then was the southeastern corner of the new state of Oklahoma. Breathing in the coal dust led to my father’s massive heart attack at age thirty-three and to his ever-tenuous hold on his health until his death at age fifty-nine. Dad did not have the benefit of instruction from his father, but learned life’s lessons from his older brothers. This circle of concern and love helped make Dad a wonderful and kind father and also caused him to believe it was natural for one’s older brothers to educate them.

With my siblings and myself this meant my older sister, born in 1937, helped Mom with the household while my brother, Philip, born in 1942, and I born, in 1943, were mentored by our older brother, C.E. Redwine, born in 1936. C.E. (Sonny to the family) was our guide and protector. Sonny was the most patient and encouraging teacher and coach. He taught Phil and me to fish, play baseball and appreciate music. Mainly he taught us to be curious, strive to be our best and love every second of life.

Sonny was an inexhaustible deep well of knowledge and had the unselfish gift of generosity to share it. He could play and teach instrumental music and sing, teach and conduct choral ensembles. C.E. led our sister Jane and Phil and me in our church choir. He formed and performed with numerous dance bands. He played his brilliant saxophone all over the world with the United States Army Field Band. And everything he learned and experienced worked to the benefit of Janie, Phil and me as he always found the time and opportunity to share.

Sonny was a master chef and gardener. He knew how to grow food, when to harvest it and how to cook it, especially how to season it. He knew how to butcher every kind of meat and preserve it. My wife, Peg, and I must have gone to Sonny thousands of times for advice on every arcane topic one can imagine. He always knew what and how to do things and, most importantly, generously shared his knowledge without any hint of self-righteousness or impatience.

For all three of us, Janie, Phil and me, Sonny gladly sacrificed his time for our betterment. Our father and mother gave to us fully, but Sonny inspired us every day. I guess now our interests will begin to narrow and our questions will go unanswered.

A Birthday Party

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Ben Franklin & George Washington. Photo by Peg Redwine

Ever since my mother’s three brothers and one of her three sisters returned home from serving in World War II my family has gathered for a Fourth of July reunion. While competing circumstances have caused some hiatuses over the last seventy-seven years, we have been fairly consistent in our celebration of life. We do what all families do at reunions, meet, eat and subconsciously soak in the subtle changes from childhood to absence.

Those changes are what John Denver wrote about in 1971 in his song Poems, Prayers and Promises:

♪ The days they pass so quickly now, nights are seldom long

Time around me whispers when it’s cold

The changes somehow frighten me, still I have to smile

It turns me on to think of growing old ♪

Denver, as I was, was born in 1943, therefore he was only 28 when he was contemplating aging. He died in a plane crash in 1997 so his early thoughts about growing old were prescient. When I listen to his young man’s song about encroaching old age I am impressed, and sobered, by his understanding of the physical and emotional aspects of aging. I do not recall even the vaguest concern of not being 28; I am now more aware.

Our current political debate is highlighted by President Biden’s age of 80 and former President Trump’s 77. Depending upon our partisan preferences we monitor each man’s speech and movements in a search for affirmation or condemnation of our hopes or fears for our nation. For although the United States just celebrated our 247th birthday, we Americans think of ourselves as a young, vibrant country that is always trying to perfect our union. The young John Kennedy is our ideal. We may need the wisdom sometimes brought by age but we crave the vitality often born of youth.

But age does not guarantee good judgment and youth may encourage recklessness. Each of us knows the angst of experiencing what Camelot’s Guinevere called for, and eventually obtained, “A day she would always rue”. Ben Franklin was 70 years old in 1776 and George Washington was 44. Most people would say both men had good judgment. Both showed wisdom and courage, two of the character traits we need in our leaders. Their age was not a factor. As John Denver concluded, “It’s been a good life all and all” and:

♪ How sweet it is to love someone, how right it is to care

How long it’s been since yesterday and what about tomorrow?

What about our dreams and all the memories we share? ♪

Well, back to our family’s Fourth of July Reunion. The singing was poignant, the bar-b-q was well seasoned, some members were young, some no longer were and, of course, numerous loved ones were sadly no longer with us. However, “I have to say it now, the changes do not frighten me” and next year will bring more. Some will be melancholy, some will be challenging, some will be interesting, but what it all will be is a continuing party.

Brothers From Other Mothers

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Photo by Peg Redwine

This week I ran into a man whose family has connections to Ukraine. They live in the country of Georgia now as Peg and I have been doing for the last five months where we are working with the Georgian judiciary. His perspective on Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is quite personal as is the perspective of the Russian man who sat next to me on a flight from Istanbul, Turkey to Batumi, Georgia last Wednesday.

The two men looked quite similar. Both were rather tall and athletically built and about 40 years of age. One man’s native language is English but the other speaks fluent Russian. His English created several entertaining exchanges for us that we worked through in mutual good humor. My Russian barely qualifies as communication even though Peg and I picked up some phrases when I was in Russia in 2003 working with the Russian judiciary.

I also managed to pick up a few Ukrainian words when I was in Ukraine in 2000 working with Ukrainian judges. I tried my Ukrainian lexicon with the man whose relatives speak Ukrainian, but it was more comic relief than communication.

Both men have children and both would like to see the war between Russia and Ukraine ended immediately if it can be done in a reasonable manner as each sees it. Peg and I are much more aligned with Ukraine than Russia, which the Russian obviously suspected when I told him at our mutual introduction Peg and I were Americans. He was initially rather cautious in his comments but once he decided I did not hold him responsible for Putin’s military decisions, he relaxed quite a bit. Unfortunately, our flight was only about two hours in length so he and I did not have time to bring Ukraine and Russia to the Peace Table.

He did share several deeply personal experiences and emotions with me during our short flight. When I told him our son had boxed at West Point and that I had helped train both amateur and professional boxers, he opened his mouth and showed me a set of perfect lower teeth. He said he had boxed in Russia and once got into the ring against a much larger boxer without wearing a mouthpiece. He had $3,000 worth of false teeth and a hard-earned lesson about uneven and unfair fights as a result.

The English speaker is a swimmer and an avid hiker who believes physical health is essential to mental health and both men do not hesitate to strongly state their views which are closely related to what kind of future their children may look forward to in a post Ukrainian-Russian war environment.

If the two fathers were to be placed together in a lineup, I would have a difficult time picking out which one was which. Both are about 6 feet tall and weigh about 200 pounds. Both have very short cropped, light colored hair and lean facial features. They could be brothers if looks were the only criteria.

They could, also, be brothers if their concerns for their families and their countries could be considered relevant DNA features. It struck me that both of them might be better choices for leaders of Ukraine and Russia than what we have, although this is purely my thought, as neither of them made such a suggestion. Of course, their natural national allegiances probably interfere somewhat with their ability to set aside any magnanimity. However, each of them recognized the children in the other country are not to blame; only the adults may be held accountable. That is, if the adults come to a realization they should be.

I shared with each man my concern that Russia might be of the same mind a friend of mine who was a supporter of Israel had in 1973 when Egypt could have overrun Israel with its superior, but non-nuclear, military power. At that time most experts believed Israel had stolen enough nuclear secrets from America to construct nuclear weapons. Now, we know they have.

Anyway, my friend stated his passionate support for Israel included Israel’s “right” to destroy the whole world if Egypt were about to destroy Israel. Such nihilistic blindness is what I and my new acquaintances most fear in our current war.

 

Food For Thought

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Photo by Peg Redwine

Peg and I have been away from our U.S.A. home for almost 5 months now and we are each missing some of what makes our cabin on the Oklahoma prairie so special. Peg is nostalgic for kids, grandkids, great grandkids, siblings and friends, you know, Gentle Reader, the things most people get misty-eyed over. I feel her pain but, frankly, I find that what our current home in the old Soviet Union country of Georgia really needs to join the family of democratic nations is a good bowl of chili and some hand-rubbed and torturously slow smoked Oklahoma beef brisket accompanied by a few ears of southern Indiana sweet corn.

Photo by Peg Redwine

And while Georgia claims to be the 8,000-year-old birthplace of wine, a theory which Peg and I have certainly tested, I thirst for a cold Corona with salt and lime. One cannot truly swig a real draught of room temperature red wine as you can a long swallow of cold beer to follow the piquant spice of garlic and cayenne pepper. Tell me, is it any wonder these Georgians worry about some crazy Russian neighbor on their northern border wanting to once again invade them and take their most valuable natural resource, their wine? Russia has no chili, no brisket and nothing but vodka to drown their sorrows about pesky Ukraine; of course Russia is a concern.

I have written several columns about how America could better address Russian aggression than by throwing forty billion dollars worth of military assets into the same type of winter Napoleon and Hitler did. Russian generals January, February and March may not know much about military strategy, but they sure know plenty about the logistics of winter warfare.

       Photo by Peg Redwine
Photo by Peg Redwine

Why hasn’t Commander-in-Chief Biden read my columns and called to ask my advice? I would tell the President the same thing I would tell the Georgian McDonald’s and Kentucky Fried Chicken stores just two blocks from our Batumi, Georgia apartment that put out poor imitations of Georgian food disguised as quasi-American cuisine; they could make billions with a good bowl of real chili and a beef brisket sandwich. These Georgian people are smart and their traditional Georgian food is both tasty and interesting. This is probably due to thousands of years of mixed cultures from both Europe and Asia. But if we could just introduce them to what truly makes America so strong, Russia would not stand a chance.

I confess, it is not just the war effort that moves me. If we don’t get some fine southwestern chili and bar-b-q and succulent southern Indiana sweet corn soon, Peg and I are going to have to fly home and rely upon friends and family for sustenance.

Photo by Peg Redwine